Get This SHIT!

I have a lot of "get this shit" moments in my life.  And now that I have a child, I feel like I have a lot more of them!  It seems to be the only thing I care about any more.  When was the last time she pooped, what color was it, how much was there, what does it look like, etc... All questions I NEED TO KNOW!  And what's really crazy is that it's actually really important.  It's not like my 4 month old can tell me her tummy hurts.  I just have to inspect what's going in and what's coming out to know. 

If only all the other "GTS" moments in my life were this simple.  If only I could just inspect what's going into the situation, then I could easily decipher what's coming out of the situation. 

In Mommy world, Elly poops on me, but at least she gives me a warning.  (She gives a little grunt and leg lift to let me know it's coming.)  It's like her little present to me.  For Mother's Day, she pooped on me.  Happy first Mother's Day, Ma!  (She also puked on me on Father's Day, but who's counting.)  Those are things to be expected.  

But in the real world, there is no warning.  Yes, I understand that everyone gets a little shit on from time to time and people just have to deal with it.  But is "just dealing with it" the best system? 

My "GTS" system (Not to be confused with Pauly D's GTL system) goes a little something like this: I see a train wreck coming.  I try to ward it off with precision planning and execution.  I try to account for all variables and it looks like I've successfully corrected course to prevent said train wreck.  And then BAM!!!!  I'm totally hit by the train coming from another direction.  SHIT IS EVERYWHERE!!!

The sad part is, after I get hit by the shit-train I'm not even all that surprised.  And that's when I say "Get this shit!" 

I usually swap GTS moments with my BFF/Almost-Sister, Abby.  She and I share in these moments because it’s comforting to know someone’s in the thick of it with you.  But unlike Pauly D who can mix up his GTL regiment with Ronnie and the Sitch and T before they G or L, there's no mixing up our GTS moments.  We just have to sit here and take it.  So says the military.

And then it dawns on me, I'm so programmed by the military to take shitty moments and just accept them as normal.  Shit is what's normal to me.  Big, heaping piles of stinky, oozy crap is normal to me.  Great.  I'm used to the smell.  Does that mean I can't smell it if I've stepped in it?  And if so, does that mean I'm the smelly kid in the back of the class?  Yup, probably.  GGGREEEAAATTT!!!!!

Just the shit I was hoping for! 

I'm hoping that this kind of training proves to be helpful in the civilian world.  And I really hope I have a lot less GTS moments when I no longer put on a uniform in the morning.  And even if I have a lot more GTS moments after my military service, I hope I no longer just suck it up and deal with it.  I hope I learn that shit stinks and I don't have to put up with it if I don't want to. 

Until then, I've got another fully-loaded stink bomb diaper to change.  Elly just lifted her leg to let me know the shit-train is about to pull into the station.

Until later
~Betty