Role Reversal

As my bio description states, I'm hooking for jobs and pimping myself out in resume form. On top of that I'm saying prayers daily that I some how don't end up homeless and unemployed.  I'm in the process of getting out of the military.  It wasn't my choice, and if I had it my way, I would have served 20+ years.  But my fate is sealed and I'm on my way out due to budget cuts and the changing tide of the Defense Department. 

It happens.  In fact it's happening so much the military as a whole is in a major downsizing.  Worse, is the number of unemployed veterans from the current wars.  The latest unemployment numbers for vets right now are sitting at nearly 12%.  That's about 3 percentage points more than the overall unemployment rate. 

So to keep myself from those statistics I'm a job hunting, networking fool.  Any chance I get, I work into the conversation that I'm getting out of the military and looking for a job, plus I rock.  Why wouldn't someone want to hire me? 

And not every day has been a good one.  There are some days where I think to myself, "Betty, what the hell are you doing applying for that job? You aren't nearly qualified for it, and there's no way you're going to get it.  You're just a crazy kid!" But then I realize, I have nearly 10 years of experience in my field.  I've been doing this for a long time.  And I'm pretty good at it.  Plus I rock!

If you've never applied for a federal job before, let me tell you what it's like.  It's tourture.  Getting waterboarded would be more fun. You need to tailor your resume to each individual job.  Then you have to answer a laundry list of questions.  Half the questions are the same, just reworded differently.  It's not fun.  And then you submit everything and wait weeks to even hear back if you're resume made the cut.

The worst part is when you get a notification that you're qualified, but not best qualified.  What the hell does that even mean? You're good, but you still suck for us.  Nothing like an upper for your Thursday morning. 

Well, all the hard work of applying has finally started to pay off.  I've gotten a couple calls and recieved notice my resume has made it through the first round of cuts.  Now it's time to start getting ready for interviews.

I've been interviewing people on various subjects for 7 years.  I'm pretty darn good at asking questions and getting the exact soundbite I want for my story.  But being the person peppered with questions is something totally foreign to me. 

I'm so scared that they're going to ask me what my biggest weakness is and I'm going to launch into some crazy ass story that ends in my crying over spilled breast milk.  Or worse, I make a completely inappropriate joke about somebody's inept organizational skills and it turns out it's my prospective employer's desk I'm making fun of.  Or WAY worse, I ask the woman escorting me to the interview room how far along she is, and she replies she's just fat.  UGH! 

Needless to say, I'm super nervous about interviewing for a job.  It's an employer's market, not a job seeker's market.  And I just need to prove that I'm the shit (but don't smell like shit)! So the rest of my day today will be spent buying 10 pairs of nylons (because I'll rip a whole in 9 of them just trying to get into them), researching the job and employer, and pattening my P&P method.  (That would be the pray and puke method.)

In the end, I know this is just my way of getting "hyped up" for the game.  And that I'll actually be just fine and will find a great place to work that pays well, has good benefits, gives me all the federal holidays off, and enjoys my witty sense of humor.  Now, if only they'd just reveal themselves to me so I can stop P&Ping.