Tinkling

On my ride to work this morning they talked about embarrassing childhood moments involving tinkling.

There can't be much worse in the way of embarrassing moments than peeing your pants.

The female host talked about the time she couldn't hold it in 3rd grade and it reminded me if the kid in first grade who couldn't hold it. And how mortifying that must have been for him. I still remember him, his name, and that he peed his pants.  That sucks to go to school with someone with a great memory like me. Poor guy!

What's even more cringe worthy was the girl in bootcamp that was too meek, shy, and afraid of the drill instructors to ask to go to "the head." She peed herself in the parking lot after dinner in front of 60 other individuals. I was the closest, but thankfully wasn't directly hit.

It was my job, however, to help her back to the barracks and get her through the embarrassment. Thankfully, our drill instructors felt too bad to make her feel worse. This girl already had enough self-esteem issues. No need to make it worse.

But the radio show host asked callers to regale the listeners with other cringe worthy stories.

I'm fortunate enough where I don't have stories like those from my childhood. However, adulthood and pregnancy are a whole other story!

No one tells you that you're going to pee your pants every time you sneeze while pregnant. And certainly no one tells you that even after you have the baby, and no matter how many kegel exercises you did, you're still going to pee your pants at every sneeze and laugh.

And no one warned me that I shouldn't discover Damn You Auto Correct when I'm one kegel away from being incontinent.  Needless to say, when I discovered the best of for each month, I laughed so hard I actually peed a little.  What sucks more is that those things are so fucking funny, that I just couldn't stop reading.  They're worse than Lays potato chips.  You can't stop at just one. 

I actually had to restrict myself for a few months until I could make sure I regained control of my urinary tract.   

And that's what's so important for new moms to know.  Is that no matter how many kegels you do, it's still going to be a little while before you can laugh your ass off without pissing yourself.  And even then, you need to make sure you hit the bathroom before a big laughfest, or else you could find yourself feeling like the poor kid in 1st grade who peed his pants in front of everyone.  But worse, because adults remember that kind of crap way better than children do!