In one week Elly will be turning two. I'm crying just writing that. Why am I even crying? I mean it's not like she's leaving for college next week or anything. It's not like she's going off to have her life adventures, meet her soul mate, get married or have kids. She's just turning two.
But then she'll be 5 and going to kindergarten. And then she'll be 10 and having her first playground boyfriend. And then she'll be 13 and going through all the terrible things that happen to you when you become a teenager. Not to mention she'll be turning 16 in a blink of an eye and will never be home since she'll be able to drive. And then it'll really happen. She'll turn 18 and go off to college or do whatever and she'll be gone forever.
Now I'm really sobbing.
And laughing.
Let's call it slaughing (because slobbing sounds gross).
Why do I always have a melt down when she has a birthday? (all two of them so far.) Will I always sob leading up to her birthday? And why am I even crying?
Maybe I'm crying because I know that she'll never be this small again. Her toddler vocabulary will develop and she eventually will stop asking for "oh shit" when she wants lotion. She's going to grow out of the phase of needing to curl up on my lap to fall asleep.
I mean, it’s already begun. She won't hold my hand to walk anywhere.
Or maybe I'm crying because the years ahead are only going to get harder. Just thinking about all the milestones yet to come is paralyzing. I can't even bring myself to take Elly for her first hair cut! Instead, I've succumbed to the fact that I'm allowing my child to walk around looking like Cousin It.
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| My child, Cousin It |
Or maybe the real reason I'm crying is because every time I tell Elly something I'm met with a resounding "NOOOOOOOO!" And I mean EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.
From a friend who has a step-daughter turning 18 in 4 weeks from tomorrow, you have every right to cry and be afraid. While I wasn't around for her terrible two's, I did see my step-son through his. Actually his didn't start until he was 6, and now as he's getting ready to turn 11 in a couple months, I am still waiting for them to end. You will be great - and "no" will become second nature.. no biggie! Get creative, learn "no" in various languages and start teaching her to be disobedient in every language. That will come in handy. ;) I'm kidding... But seriously, you have to do those milestones without fear - you only get them once per child, and if you miss them, you will kick yourself later!
ReplyDeleteWhen you doubt yourself, just remember, at least you aren't me, who is facing a daughter graduating in 3 months. There is no amount of time or words that can prepare someone for that. God help me.....
Thanks a lot! Now I'm crying even harder!!!! I think I'll just try and make her so co-dependent she'll never leave me.
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