Can I Have Your Attention Please?!

Since I began writing this blog I have been shamelessly trying to get people to read it.  I'm actually a little impressed by my desperation to have people read it.  You'd think I'd be embarrassed by my craziness, but no.  I'm not.  Not even a little bit. 

You see, I lost all my dignity during child birth.  I don't have a shred left.  So to think I'd have a little when it comes to virtually spilling out my life on the internet for literally the whole world to see, I don't mind one bit!  (Unless you're one of my grandparents.  Then it's not really shame, but honestly Grandma, you're not old enough to read this shit.  Thank God you still don't get the concept of IMing yet, let alone a blog!)

Finding ways to get people to read my blog is actually less awful than child birth.  Ya, ya... child birth is such a wonderfully, beautiful thing.  You're bringing another human being into the world.  And yes, it is a miracle and yes I LOVE MY DAUGHTER.  However, giving birth at a teaching, military hospital is no joy.  Every doctor in that building comes in to stick his head up your gown to check your coo-ka.  And after that, every nurse in the hospital is in your room because they heard it's comedy hour.  (Stoofy and I did tell jokes and I really did half laugh Elly out... just ask Abby!)  It's like a parade of the vagina.  My vagina.  How the hell are you supposed to have dignity after that fiasco?

Whereas blogging is less intrusive...physically.  Not all of you know me personally.  And the more and more of you that tell your friends about me the more and more distant I become to you.  So why shouldn't I go all out in my quest for virtual popularity?  This is like my virtual quest for Homecoming Queen DOMINATION!

I had a friend create a special image just for me as my logo.  (And a big shoutout to Team Solo for the awesome image!)

I have become a fan of various websites, blogs and facebook pages, all in hopes they will return the favor. 

I have had a contest to get more followers and the person to refer the most friends won a batch of cookies.  (By the way, I went from 26 followers to nearly 90 between followers and fb fans!).

I have made business cards and left them at Starbucks.

I have advertised on Craigslist.  (Which by the way was fruitful because I gained another reader and got a fun email from him!) 

I have added fun key words to my blog like BOOBS.  And thank God I did! Otherwise the 14 year old boy who just googled "Boobs rock the world" wouldn't have stumbled across Betty!  (No shit, someone actually googled "Boobs rock the world" and got my blog.  I really hope I rocked his world with my words! And I really hope he was a he and was 14 and not some creepy 45 year old perve.) 

I have entered contests with freefringes.com.  Freefringes is all about helping get the love to the little guy like me in the blogging world.  And I've just entered another contest!  So when I post the link, I really hope you all vote for me.  Because I will be shamelessly begging for your love and attention and more importantly, your votes! 

Because honestly, all I want is a little attention please!

Breast Fed Thighs

Ghosts of blogging past: I couldn't help but digging this one back out of the archives for my blogging friends Mommy 2 cent and Chosen Chaos.  Thanks for the fun laughs ladies!

The other day I took my daughter, Elly, in for her 4 month check-up.  The doctor asked me all the usual questions.  Chatted about all the usual stuff...Am I still breastfeeding? How much is she eating?  How much do I pump a day?  Is she active? Does she sleep through the night?  And so on.

I assured him that she eats plenty.  She's an eater... just like her mom and dad.  She eats me out of house and home.  And because of that I've become her dairy queen. 

I pump it, she eats it.  Pump, eat, pump, eat...there's no end in sight.

Now, I'm not exactly complaining.  Breastfeeding has been the best diet I've ever been on!  I hate running, so pumping 5 times a day plus her other feedings is better than training for a marathon.  I totally get it now why women breast feed their kids until they're 5.  At least that's what the "Blossom" chick is doing.  WHOA!  I've decided I'll breast feed until she's 1, convert to cow's milk and then just pump and dump until I hit menopause.  Then maybe I'll just get a tummy tuck after that.  And I'll need my thighs done too.

I have my mother's thighs.  She got them from her mother, who undoubtedly got them from her mom.  They're thick to say the least.  There's a lot of mass in our thighs.  That saying "a moment on the lips, forever on the hips?"  Yeah, they mean thighs in my family.  We're talking wondrous, thunderous thighs!

And my daughter is no different.  As I've said before, she's pretty much a mini-me.  So of course, she got my thighs. 

And her thighs were the first thing the doctor noticed during her physical exam.  He actually said "Yup, those are breast fed thighs." And at first I felt a little put off by this comment.  I've had a lot of things said about my figure growing up.  And then I realized that might be the nicest thing a man has ever said about my thighs.  And even though he was talking about Elly's, they're in essences, my thighs too.

How nice of you to notice my breast fed thighs Doc!