The Health Insurance Scam

Today I want to pout like a child.  I got my first pay stub from my new job and Uncle Sam took out quite a huge chunk.  It's partially my own doing since I claimed so few exemptions.  I just don't want to get stuck with a bill again this year after last year's mishap.  But my God! 

So I'm feverishly calculating my taxes and deductions.  I also worked out my life insurance policy and retirement fund contributions.  And after that I got the mind-numbing experience of researching health care packages.

Now for you readers in Canada and Russia (and by the way I'm totally stoked about a reader in Russia!  I'm excited about my Canadian fans too, but Russia is much further away, which increases the cool factor.  So thanks for reading!  And become a follower of the blog or at least like me on Facebook! You might get cookies!)  the health care debate in America might be boring to hear about.  Sorry.

There are some major perks to having free health care while in the military.  The main one being it's F-R-E-E!!!  Duh!  But that old adage, "You get what you pay for," is 100% true when it comes to military medical treatment.  Yes, you get assigned a Primary Care Manager, but you rarely see that doctor more than once in all the times you go to medical.  Often you see someone that works for that guy.  Or that guy transfers after your last visit with him.  And you have to hope and dream that every time you go in for a reoccurring issue that the last guy put in detailed notes.  But most likely you have to start all over.

Getting a referral is a bit of a joke some times.  And even when you get the referral, you basically have a better shot of winning the grand prize at the local BINGO hall on Friday night than you do being seen in that month.  When I was pregnant, they weren't going to get me in to see a doctor for my FIRST visit until I was almost 20 weeks!  They just couldn't fit me in.  (Sorry I got knocked up during a high baby-making time frame, but I'd love to be seen by a doctor!)  And I at the paperwork orientation I was one of 2 active duty servicemembers there.  The rest were spouses who had the opportunity to go out into the local area to get treatment if they wanted.  I was stuck.  I had to be seen by the military doctors... when they got around to it. 

So yes, there are some major drawbacks.  Like every problem you have can be treated by staying hydrated and taking Motrin.  (You think I'm joking?)  Or like calling for a mental health appointment because you're about 2 days from a break down and they can fit you in next month. (That's not a joke either.)

But today I found out just how spoiled I was.  Reading through all the health insurance options with my job is overwhelming.  Trying to pick the best plan for the best price is crazy.   There are a million different options.  And trying to find one that is going to cover well baby checkups for Elly, the random sickness appointments for Stoofy, not to mention the near fatal accidents I create for myself at least once a year need to be factored in.  Plus glasses for the family, dental checkups, and prescriptions.  I'll probably need a prescription for anxiety by the time I'm done with all this paperwork!

And trying to figure out PPOs, HMOs, FFSs, FSAs and all the rest of the medical alphabet soup sucks. I wish there was a help calculator where you put in some of your pertinent personal information and then it spits out 2-3 of the best options for you.  Then you review those and voila! You've got the best, most comprehensive medical coverage $193.83 a pay period can buy!

Now all I have to figure out is my tax bracket and how best to not let those jokers on Capitol Hill screw me.  That's probably a lost cause...

Christmas Shopping

Now that it's November, it's time to get down to serious business... Christmas shopping.  Don't get me wrong, I will be celebrating November in all its glory all month long and I do NOT do anything Christmasy until at LEAST the day after Thanksgiving.

I'm very particular about this for a few reasons.  The most important is that my birthday is at the end of November and I have no intention of getting into the Christmas spirit until AFTER the best day of the year.  This year it rocks even more because while you're all eating your Thanksgiving dinner, I'll be eating my BIRTHDAY FEAST!  (In case you can't figure out the most obvious hints here, my birthday falls on Thanksgiving day this year. I can message you my address for birthday cards if you'd like! :-D ) 

But the one Christmas thing I do take advantage of during the last month of fall (my favorite season, which is another reason I try to prolong my love of November) is the Christmas shopping deals.  I have no choice because the damn retailers force you to think about Christmas starting in August.  (I wish that was a lie, but I saw Christmas lights at home depot in August.  I'm just sayin'... fucking corporate America!) 

This year is even more exciting because we have Elly to shop for.  This means more toys!  I say more toys because last year Stoofy and I got each other legos.  What can I say, we're big kids. 

We already got her the first of a couple gifts.  I have no intention of going overboard since she'll barely be 10 months old at Christmas.  What does she even know about getting gifts yet?  Plus, I need to take advantage of the few years I have before she can talk and then demand what she wants from Santa.  Plus I buy something for her nearly every time I leave the house.  To her, every day is Christmas. 

But to be honest, I was SO EXCITIED when the Toys R Us Christmas catalog arrived at our front doorstep!!!  I flipped through all of those pages making a mental list of all the things I wanted.  I mean I wanted to get Elly, you know, so I could play with her. 

There were oodles of baby toys, but I didn't stop there.  I couldn't help but love the Kitchen Aide all-in-one kitchen and matching refrigerator and washer/dryer set, the craftsman work bench complete with toy chain saw and tool belt, and the ultimate Barbie dream house and really everything Barbie.  (It blows my mind that the family camper is $75 by the way.) Plus thousands and thousands of Lego pieces all waiting for me to assemble into the most elaborate of creations.

I just kept making a mental note of all the things I wanted... for Elly of course.  And that's when I realized how happy I was to have a little girl.  Because she can have the tea set and the tool belt and we can play together!  (That and I can pass off all the toys I want to play with as toys for her.)

Like I said, I was super excited about the mega toy catalog.  Elly was excited too.... she had a blast ripping the paper to shreds and eating it.  Let's hope one day she enjoys picking out toys as much as I do, but not too soon.  My budget might not be able to handle that!

World of Wild Crafters

You know World of Warcraft? (Yeah, I don’t either. I've heard about it, but I really have no idea what it is...) Well, if you don't know about WoW, I'm almost sure you probably don't know about the WoWC!

WoWC is the World of Wild Crafters.  I know, you're thinking, how crazy could crafters be?  Other than the occasional hot glue gun accident or needle incident, there can't be too much to it, right?  WRONG!!!  The crafting world is filled with enough characters to write a spinoff of Harry Potter or Melrose Place (the original one). 

You've got your scrappbookers (they're a bunch of cutters), your cake and candy makers (they're usually my favorite because I never turn down food), floral arrangement ladies (I'm pretty sure they're all born in the spring and named April), wood workers (their slogan is "We do it against the grain"), painters and photographers (that's like a Hatfield and McCoy feud.  And the framers are stuck in the middle). 

There's the jewelry makers (who are easily distracted by all their shiny things) and the needle point girls (don't piss them off  unless you want a needle to the eye).  And don't forget the quilters out there.  (They are usually found in gangs they like to call guilds and they're like the Masons of Crafting.  Once you've made a rambling rose quilt with appliqué you reach the 33rd Degree and get a special ring.)

And then you have the knitters and crotcheter.  They're a tough crowd.  And you're usually one or the other.  No bi-craftials allowed!  (I don't consider myself bi-craftial.  Instead, I consider myself an ambassador between the two sides since I do both.) I know, I know.  You're thinking "Betty, I think you've finally cracked."  But honestly, this is serious business! 

You see, being a military spouse means you move around a lot just like your servicemember.  It's usually really hard to keep bouncing from job to job.  Not to mention the cost of day care is pretty much absurd.  So many wives find ways to keep themselves busy, and market their hobby as a means of extra income.  Shit, I'd do the same damn thing if I could.  I totally want to make money off of what I love to do, and was going to do anyway! (Isn't there a saying about if you're doing what you love then it's not really called work?)

Well, in the WoWC on a military base, you end up having many people that do very similar things.  It's inevitable.  It's not like there's one knitter or only one baker in the world.  I mean, we do live in America.  In case you didn't get the news flash, we support capitalism here (unless you're busy occupying Wall Street).

Turns out, when there's a little competition, some just can't handle it.  It's gotten so serious lately, people are starting to de-friend others!  I mean wow!  This is EXTREME!!!!  Whoever said crafters are a bunch of boring old ladies has no idea what they're talking about.  This shit is the makings of the next hit reality show!

And apparently the wives are involving the husbands as well.  When I told Stoofy about this, he scoffed. 

S: "You women find the most ridiculous things to bitch about.  You wanna know what those guys are saying? 'Dude, did your wife bitch at you when you got home? Yeah.  Me too.  Over crocheting? Yeah! FUCKING IDIOTS!'" 

When I explained this is serious business and there's now competition, he replied:

S: "Everybody's got somebody else!  McDonald's has Burger King.  PF Changs has Panda Express.  Everyone has competition.  Get over it!" (This is where I realized we’re both fat kids because we’re using food chains as an analogy.)

Me? Well everyone's got a blog in this world.  I just have to figure out what my gimmick is to keep hooking readers.  (Hahaha!  I said hooking! I'm now a pimp! You’re all my bitches!) Maybe if I can't hack it as a blogger I'll keep working on the script for my new pilot show Crochet Drama: Secrets of the WoWC.  Maybe Snooki would be available for the lead role?