Cup O' Joe

Elly is back on the sucky sleeping schedule again.  I swear that kid goes through sleeping phases like people go through fad diets.  (I don't diet, I just eat cookies.  Lots and lots of cookies!)

What does that mean for me other than my own sleepless nights?  It means my new health insurance company thinks I'm an insomniac for one.   I took a health assessment test for a $35 gift card to be used for medical expenses.  (Why the hell wouldn't I answer 100 questions about me for $35 free? Duh!) It asked how many hours of sleep I get a night, how rested do I feel when I get up for the day, and so on. 

What it doesn't allow for during the questionnaire is a place for you to fill in any kind of explanation behind it.  Like if I was a meth-head and was tweaking every night then of course I wouldn't get any sleep.  (But at least I'd get all the laundry done!)

But what about parents of insomniac kids?  There's no box to check for that.  So instead, I'll now get spammed with a million emails about how not sleeping enough has a poor effect on my health.  No shit.  Now if only there was enough time for a mommy nap time in a day and this wouldn't be a problem.

But yesterday afternoon was the icing on the cake for just how sleepless I've been the last few nights.  At work, I have a Keurig in my "office."  (I say "office" and not office because it's only got three walls and no door, so people can still come in my space willy-nilly whenever they feel like it.  Plus, since I'm a natural loud talker, they can hear pretty much everything I say.)  I drink a lot of coffee and the Keurig gets quite the daily workout. 

It was time for my afternoon cup o' joe pick-me-up.  And as I plopped the little k-cup in and watched the coffee stream into my cup, I realized I needed to up the ante a bit.  So I pulled out the canister of mocha cappuccino mix from the drawer and added a few scoops of that to the coffee for the extra jolt I was going to need to re-read the same story five times for copy edit mistakes.  (I lead a glamorous life!)  

As my coffee finished brewing I started searching for the blue lid to the canister so I could clean up and get on with my afternoon.  But alas, I couldn't find the lid!  (Mind you, the entire coffee making process was done from the comfort of my desk chair.  I didn't move more than 12 inches during the entire process to make this cup of coffee.  How the hell I misplaced the lid I have no idea.)  And as I'm standing up, spinning in circles, cursing myself for being crazy and not able to find the blue lid (I even checked my pockets!) a lady I'd never met before but needed to introduce myself to (and make a good first impression for because I'd be working with her lots in the future) walked in and saw me turning in circles on my own little crazy train.  My entire conversation with her was distracted by the fact that I couldn't find the blue lid to this damn canister!!! 

Finally, as I tried to shoo her away so she wouldn't see how crazy I was, I just got down on the floor and started digging under a cabinet in my "office."  And alas!  I finally found the lid... a GOLD lid.  Why I swore it was blue, I have no idea.  

Clearly, I not only needed my afternoon cup o' joe, but I needed to add another scoop of cappuccino mix to it.  Because my little insomniac is making me crazy!!!!   

The Health Insurance Scam

Today I want to pout like a child.  I got my first pay stub from my new job and Uncle Sam took out quite a huge chunk.  It's partially my own doing since I claimed so few exemptions.  I just don't want to get stuck with a bill again this year after last year's mishap.  But my God! 

So I'm feverishly calculating my taxes and deductions.  I also worked out my life insurance policy and retirement fund contributions.  And after that I got the mind-numbing experience of researching health care packages.

Now for you readers in Canada and Russia (and by the way I'm totally stoked about a reader in Russia!  I'm excited about my Canadian fans too, but Russia is much further away, which increases the cool factor.  So thanks for reading!  And become a follower of the blog or at least like me on Facebook! You might get cookies!)  the health care debate in America might be boring to hear about.  Sorry.

There are some major perks to having free health care while in the military.  The main one being it's F-R-E-E!!!  Duh!  But that old adage, "You get what you pay for," is 100% true when it comes to military medical treatment.  Yes, you get assigned a Primary Care Manager, but you rarely see that doctor more than once in all the times you go to medical.  Often you see someone that works for that guy.  Or that guy transfers after your last visit with him.  And you have to hope and dream that every time you go in for a reoccurring issue that the last guy put in detailed notes.  But most likely you have to start all over.

Getting a referral is a bit of a joke some times.  And even when you get the referral, you basically have a better shot of winning the grand prize at the local BINGO hall on Friday night than you do being seen in that month.  When I was pregnant, they weren't going to get me in to see a doctor for my FIRST visit until I was almost 20 weeks!  They just couldn't fit me in.  (Sorry I got knocked up during a high baby-making time frame, but I'd love to be seen by a doctor!)  And I at the paperwork orientation I was one of 2 active duty servicemembers there.  The rest were spouses who had the opportunity to go out into the local area to get treatment if they wanted.  I was stuck.  I had to be seen by the military doctors... when they got around to it. 

So yes, there are some major drawbacks.  Like every problem you have can be treated by staying hydrated and taking Motrin.  (You think I'm joking?)  Or like calling for a mental health appointment because you're about 2 days from a break down and they can fit you in next month. (That's not a joke either.)

But today I found out just how spoiled I was.  Reading through all the health insurance options with my job is overwhelming.  Trying to pick the best plan for the best price is crazy.   There are a million different options.  And trying to find one that is going to cover well baby checkups for Elly, the random sickness appointments for Stoofy, not to mention the near fatal accidents I create for myself at least once a year need to be factored in.  Plus glasses for the family, dental checkups, and prescriptions.  I'll probably need a prescription for anxiety by the time I'm done with all this paperwork!

And trying to figure out PPOs, HMOs, FFSs, FSAs and all the rest of the medical alphabet soup sucks. I wish there was a help calculator where you put in some of your pertinent personal information and then it spits out 2-3 of the best options for you.  Then you review those and voila! You've got the best, most comprehensive medical coverage $193.83 a pay period can buy!

Now all I have to figure out is my tax bracket and how best to not let those jokers on Capitol Hill screw me.  That's probably a lost cause...