World of Wild Crafters

You know World of Warcraft? (Yeah, I don’t either. I've heard about it, but I really have no idea what it is...) Well, if you don't know about WoW, I'm almost sure you probably don't know about the WoWC!

WoWC is the World of Wild Crafters.  I know, you're thinking, how crazy could crafters be?  Other than the occasional hot glue gun accident or needle incident, there can't be too much to it, right?  WRONG!!!  The crafting world is filled with enough characters to write a spinoff of Harry Potter or Melrose Place (the original one). 

You've got your scrappbookers (they're a bunch of cutters), your cake and candy makers (they're usually my favorite because I never turn down food), floral arrangement ladies (I'm pretty sure they're all born in the spring and named April), wood workers (their slogan is "We do it against the grain"), painters and photographers (that's like a Hatfield and McCoy feud.  And the framers are stuck in the middle). 

There's the jewelry makers (who are easily distracted by all their shiny things) and the needle point girls (don't piss them off  unless you want a needle to the eye).  And don't forget the quilters out there.  (They are usually found in gangs they like to call guilds and they're like the Masons of Crafting.  Once you've made a rambling rose quilt with appliqué you reach the 33rd Degree and get a special ring.)

And then you have the knitters and crotcheter.  They're a tough crowd.  And you're usually one or the other.  No bi-craftials allowed!  (I don't consider myself bi-craftial.  Instead, I consider myself an ambassador between the two sides since I do both.) I know, I know.  You're thinking "Betty, I think you've finally cracked."  But honestly, this is serious business! 

You see, being a military spouse means you move around a lot just like your servicemember.  It's usually really hard to keep bouncing from job to job.  Not to mention the cost of day care is pretty much absurd.  So many wives find ways to keep themselves busy, and market their hobby as a means of extra income.  Shit, I'd do the same damn thing if I could.  I totally want to make money off of what I love to do, and was going to do anyway! (Isn't there a saying about if you're doing what you love then it's not really called work?)

Well, in the WoWC on a military base, you end up having many people that do very similar things.  It's inevitable.  It's not like there's one knitter or only one baker in the world.  I mean, we do live in America.  In case you didn't get the news flash, we support capitalism here (unless you're busy occupying Wall Street).

Turns out, when there's a little competition, some just can't handle it.  It's gotten so serious lately, people are starting to de-friend others!  I mean wow!  This is EXTREME!!!!  Whoever said crafters are a bunch of boring old ladies has no idea what they're talking about.  This shit is the makings of the next hit reality show!

And apparently the wives are involving the husbands as well.  When I told Stoofy about this, he scoffed. 

S: "You women find the most ridiculous things to bitch about.  You wanna know what those guys are saying? 'Dude, did your wife bitch at you when you got home? Yeah.  Me too.  Over crocheting? Yeah! FUCKING IDIOTS!'" 

When I explained this is serious business and there's now competition, he replied:

S: "Everybody's got somebody else!  McDonald's has Burger King.  PF Changs has Panda Express.  Everyone has competition.  Get over it!" (This is where I realized we’re both fat kids because we’re using food chains as an analogy.)

Me? Well everyone's got a blog in this world.  I just have to figure out what my gimmick is to keep hooking readers.  (Hahaha!  I said hooking! I'm now a pimp! You’re all my bitches!) Maybe if I can't hack it as a blogger I'll keep working on the script for my new pilot show Crochet Drama: Secrets of the WoWC.  Maybe Snooki would be available for the lead role?

Trick or Treat?

I've figured out that my daughter loves my magic tricks.  My first act? Letting her play with an empty solo cup.  She whacks it around, tries to eat the end, and every once in awhile tries to drink air from it.  I like to trick her and pour a small sip of water into the cup when she's not paying attention.  That way she gets a special treat when she takes another sip. 

It usually ends with me laughing hysterically and her soaking wet and stunned.  It's a pretty cool magic trick for a nearly 8 month old kid!  And a seriously awesome treat for me!  

You know what isn't a cool magic trick for an 8 month old?  Putting her binki under a solo cup and then getting another one and trying to mix them up and show her which one it's under.  I thought I'd be so cool and "blow her mind." (I actually said those exact words to Stoofy.) Instead, she cared WAY more about the cup than her binki.  Cool treat for her, no trick for me.

But my best magic trick of all isn't pulling quarters from her ears.  It's actually pulling puffs out of her pants.  There is nothing more rewarding as a magician than watching my captive audience's face light up when I pull out her crack from the crevice of her pant folds. 

To her, it doesn't matter if it's a fresh puff, or one that's been in her mouth, hand and then pants for awhile.  She still loves them and wants to stuff them in her face.  She double fists them into her mouth.  Every time I watch her grab fistfuls and stuff them in her cute little chipmunk cheeks, I can't help but think she's training a little early for a career in the sport of competitive eating.

So what's a mom to do?  Count how many she can gather in her hand and stuff in her mouth at one time!  Right now, she's only up to two.  Probably best considering she's only got two teeth to try and chomp those things with.  Either way it’s a pretty cool trick, and a treat. 

At this point, I'm not sure who's doing the tricking and who's doing the treating.  I think it's a draw.