Panda love and social media

I'm a lover of social media.  It might have something to do with the fact that I've found a way to make a partial living off of my social media skills.  I look forward to making more of my living from my ability to like, share, comment, and retweet.  And whether you like it or not, social media isn't going away.  It may change and morph into something different, but the general concept isn't going away.

You're always going to know what is going on in someone else's life, for better or for worse.

You know what? That's just fine with me! 

You know why?  Because it means job growth! Yay!!!

But even I draw a line when it comes to TMI in the social media realm.  And last night I finally figured out what that line was.

Recently I've discovered I'm old.  I listen to news/talk radio on my way to work.  Sometimes I listen to it on my way home, too.  I get sucked into a story I hear is coming up so I just leave the station be so I can hear about the weather, traffic and details on the story that intrigues me.

Yesterday, while driving home, I heard a teaser that really threw me through a loop.  I almost changed the station because I was so miffed by the topic.  But it's like a bad car accident; you just can't divert your eyes.  Rubbernecking is human.  So I listened for the story.

The topic?  The panda at the national zoo in DC was getting artificially inseminated.  Ok, not too much of a gross-out, big deal there.  But wait!

YOU CAN WATCH/FOLLOW THE WHOLE AI PROCESS LIVE ON TWITTER!!!!! 

My god!  Are you serious?  Have we really gotten to the point in our society where we now need to watch Panda Porn on our various social media apps on our smart phones?  Really people?!?!?!!?!

Is this really the best use of social media?  I mean, I get it that we could use a few more pandas in the world.  And I know that the two at the zoo are having their own love spat right now and science and technology needs to lend a helping hand.  But do we need to watch the turkey baster do its thing?  Really? 

There is a fine line between sharing your life with the public and sharing what your bathroom toilet looks like while you try to take a rockin' picture of your "duck face" pose.  Honestly, there's no need to do that.  I don't care if you're texting people while you're on the pot.  I don't get bothered by the idea that you respond to facebook posts when you should be focusing on not missing the bowl.  But keep that information to yourself.  That's what makes it great.  I don't care that you're doing that, because I don't know that you're doing that!!!

But the fact of the matter still remains that we as Americans made it possible to watch an animal get artificially inseminated.  They don't even do that on National Geographic.  Come on folks!  GEEEEEEZUS!

Let's have a little social media decorum.  I'm pretty sure Mei Xiang would appreciate it!

I'm One Lucky B!

If you've been reading my blog, you know that I recently got out of the Navy.  And if you've been reading my blog since I started, you also know that I've been crazy (that might not be a strong enough description actually) about looking for a job so, you know, I'm not homeless and the baby has food.  (You know, nothing major or anything.) 

Well, I've been very fortunate in landing a great job in the civilian sector, and it's truly been a major blessing how it's all worked out. 

I'm a firm believe that I'm very lucky.  Not like lucky in that I win the lottery or anything (I wish!), but mostly lucky in timing.  I miss near accidents.  I miss major disasters.  I miss events that I wish I could have been at, only to get an opportunity to have an even better experience (sometimes even behind the scenes) for that missed event!  And just when I think I've hit a bad spot and my luck has run out, I realize (sometimes I have to be reminded and forced to see the positive) that really, it's not that bad and I'm actually very lucky how things work out for me.  (My mom says it’s because when I was very young, like the age Elly is right now, she and my dad took me to Mexico and all these Mexican ladies swarmed me and blessed me.  It freaked my mom out since she didn’t speak Spanish and they kept grabbing at me.  Uh, yeah, I would have flipped out too mom.)

Take for example this whole Navy thing.  I've felt very slighted by the Navy.  I feel like I've been cheated on and just finished divorce proceedings. But now I've just gotten to the next step in the grieving process; I'm not as bitter any more.  (Well, I'm a little bit bitter still.  Just being honest with my friends!) But it's nothing like what it used to be.

Instead, I've taken all my knowledge and experience I gained in the Navy and put it toward getting a new job.  And then as luck would have it (and awesome timing) a series of crazy events lead me to my job today!

First, I was going to move to Washington State.  But I started getting notices that my resume was moving along with jobs in the DC area.  So Stoofy and I decided to try staying put.  I told my supervisor that I was staying in the area and for her to keep her ears open for jobs for me. (And that's called networking folks!  Or nagging depending on your view.) Well, one of my co-workers decided to take it upon himself to cancel an assignment he had no business cancelling without our supervisor's permission.  My supervisor got a call from the canceled event coordinator. 

Well those ladies got to chatting (after a whole lot of yelling at the nimrod who shirked his duty!), and it just so happened that the woman coordinating the event was looking for a journalist for a job position!  Hot damn!  So my supervisor said I've got the perfect girl for you!  And low and behold.... I got my foot in the door.

Now, this isn't exactly success yet.  But it's a start.  You see, there are major budget cuts happening across the board in the federal government.  (And unless you've had your head up your ass for the last few years, you would already know that fact!)  So there was absolutely no guarantee the job they needed to hire someone (like me) into would even exist after a round of budget cuts.  But as it just so happens, my soon-to-be supervisor worked her magic and got approval.  The only hang up was she couldn't hire anyone until the guy still filling the job before me officially left his position, late in November.

Well, that's no problem, since I couldn't take a job until after my final day in the military....LATE IN NOVEMBER!!!  Oh snap!  Another win for the good luck girl! 

We began processing all my hiring paperwork that goes into federal employment after I got a soft job offer.  Processing paperwork to be a government employee is a lot like your paperwork in-process for the military.  The only difference is you don't get a shot in the ass when you become a government employee.  (That should be a selling point when advertising jobs.)

And wouldn't you know it, my paperwork was having issues and it didn't look like I was going to make it by the deadline to start my job on time.  I had until 2:00 pm on a Friday to get everything in so I could start on Monday morning or I’d have to wait two weeks before I could officially start.  I held my breath and sucked it in and just barely got it all in on time!  And thank God I did! 

I started my job just a couple weeks ago and have begun to hit the ground running.  I'm very grateful for my job and the opportunity to get my career going.  And even more so grateful after I found out just last week that had my paperwork been delayed, I wouldn't have a job to start today.  Because they just laid down a hiring freeze.  My job offer would have been frozen and I would have been sitting at home with Elly wondering what the hell am I going to do now!?!?!?!?

So when I say I'm one lucky B, I mean it.  I get things in just the nick of time.  Life seems to work itself out in just the right moments.  And for that, I'm forever grateful!


****Betty's note: My mom set the record straight.  I was actually much closer to Elly's age right now when I was blessed by Mexicans.  She wanted to make sure I got the facts straight.  Side note from Betty's mom: It was Labor Day weekend 1983 in Metamora, Mexico, just across the border from Brownsville, TX.  I guess I need to plan a trip there with Elly ASAP. (Maybe once I actually earn some vacation time!)****

Vanilla Tuna

I'm a part of various groups, whether in person or in the interwebs.  One of my virtual groups of friends is having a Secret Santa party in reality.  It should be a lot of fun because so many of us have met a couple people personally in the group, but not everyone has met everyone personally.  Yet, we're all friends. 

We know certain funny stories about each other, we have a good idea of what our kids like, who our celebrity crushes are, etc.  But if I had to pick one of them out of a line-up, there's about a 50/50 chance I wouldn't even come close! 

And because of this, it makes the Secret Santa aspect of the party that much more fun.  Because you could pick someone that you DON'T EVEN KNOW! So everything about them is pretty much foreign to you.  Talk about the ultimate secret!

I mean I know that A doesn't like the sight of breast feeding.  It totally grosses her out.  B loves to have sex with the windows open so the neighbors get jealous.  C pretty much wants to murder her husband once a week and is looking for volunteers to help bury the body.  And D, well, she's just a trip and is having lots of great sex with her husband. 

The fact of the matter is, I know that J makes great food, K just had a baby and L can put us all to shame with crazy kids stories.  I know who's puking or shitting at any moment in time.  I know who's just had sex, who's constipated, who's two minutes from strangling their kids, and who just put a hex on their neighbor.  (Why we all feel the need to share these intimate details of our lives, no clue.  Maybe it has to do with the fact that we don't all know each other personally.  Maybe after we meet we'll hear less about E's runs.)

What I don't know is whether E would rather have a gift card to Starbucks or a homemade scarf.  I'm not sure if P likes to shop at Walmart or a locally owned store. 

So to help with this, we've all begun to ask random questions about our preferences as a way to know more substantial things about each other.  Today's topic: what's our favorite smell?

My only response is: ANYTHING BUT VANILLA!!!!!  That smell is quite possibly the most popular smell in America and it grosses me out.  And here's why. 

Way back in the day when I first joined the military, I used to really like the smell of vanilla.  The lotions were a nice touch and as a bonus made my skin smooth.  But when I got to my first training location after boot camp, I got my first taste of what the "real Navy" was like.  And after the smell of boot camp funk wore off (there really is a distinctive smell you acquire while in basic training.  It's not really your fault, it just happens and you can't do anything about it.  Same thing happens on deployment.  You basically need to scrap everything afterward and start with fresh clothing after you're completely done.) it was back to wanting to smell pretty... pretty vanilla.

Well, the problem is, in the military you get a cross-cut of the American public.  (The good, the bad, and the fugly.) I just so happened to end up in school with a young woman who didn't really fully understand the concept of personal hygiene.  She didn't understand that you need to take a shower every day, especially after PT.  That you must wash your clothes regularly and that includes towels, sheets, and blankets.  Washing your hands after using the bathroom was even a stretch for her. 

And because of these habits, she ended up being pretty smelly.  I felt bad for her because she got put in a room by herself since no one could stand to live with her because of the stench.  She actually got held up before transferring to her first official assignment until they could teach her the basics of cleanliness.  And when I mean teach her the basics, I mean she was escorted to the shower every day and was watched to make sure she used soap and at least got a PTA (pits, tits, and ass) shower.  She was shown how to pour soap into and how to operate the washer. 

All of this training obviously sank in a bit, because she realized she was smelly.  So what did she do to mask the smell of tuna emanating from her being?  She reached for the most trusted scent in America and doused herself in it daily. 

At this point, the tuna smell was too far settled into everything she owned (they actually had to repaint the walls in her room when she left, and replaced the furniture because it had seeped into the pores).  So the vanilla did absolutely nothing at all for her other than give it a sweet musk additive.

So when I say I want NOTHING to do with the smell of vanilla it's because I think of a big, stinky albacore wafting up from the candle, lotion or body mist.  And I just puke a little in mouth because of it. 

Can I Have Your Attention Please?!

Since I began writing this blog I have been shamelessly trying to get people to read it.  I'm actually a little impressed by my desperation to have people read it.  You'd think I'd be embarrassed by my craziness, but no.  I'm not.  Not even a little bit. 

You see, I lost all my dignity during child birth.  I don't have a shred left.  So to think I'd have a little when it comes to virtually spilling out my life on the internet for literally the whole world to see, I don't mind one bit!  (Unless you're one of my grandparents.  Then it's not really shame, but honestly Grandma, you're not old enough to read this shit.  Thank God you still don't get the concept of IMing yet, let alone a blog!)

Finding ways to get people to read my blog is actually less awful than child birth.  Ya, ya... child birth is such a wonderfully, beautiful thing.  You're bringing another human being into the world.  And yes, it is a miracle and yes I LOVE MY DAUGHTER.  However, giving birth at a teaching, military hospital is no joy.  Every doctor in that building comes in to stick his head up your gown to check your coo-ka.  And after that, every nurse in the hospital is in your room because they heard it's comedy hour.  (Stoofy and I did tell jokes and I really did half laugh Elly out... just ask Abby!)  It's like a parade of the vagina.  My vagina.  How the hell are you supposed to have dignity after that fiasco?

Whereas blogging is less intrusive...physically.  Not all of you know me personally.  And the more and more of you that tell your friends about me the more and more distant I become to you.  So why shouldn't I go all out in my quest for virtual popularity?  This is like my virtual quest for Homecoming Queen DOMINATION!

I had a friend create a special image just for me as my logo.  (And a big shoutout to Team Solo for the awesome image!)

I have become a fan of various websites, blogs and facebook pages, all in hopes they will return the favor. 

I have had a contest to get more followers and the person to refer the most friends won a batch of cookies.  (By the way, I went from 26 followers to nearly 90 between followers and fb fans!).

I have made business cards and left them at Starbucks.

I have advertised on Craigslist.  (Which by the way was fruitful because I gained another reader and got a fun email from him!) 

I have added fun key words to my blog like BOOBS.  And thank God I did! Otherwise the 14 year old boy who just googled "Boobs rock the world" wouldn't have stumbled across Betty!  (No shit, someone actually googled "Boobs rock the world" and got my blog.  I really hope I rocked his world with my words! And I really hope he was a he and was 14 and not some creepy 45 year old perve.) 

I have entered contests with freefringes.com.  Freefringes is all about helping get the love to the little guy like me in the blogging world.  And I've just entered another contest!  So when I post the link, I really hope you all vote for me.  Because I will be shamelessly begging for your love and attention and more importantly, your votes! 

Because honestly, all I want is a little attention please!

Networking

So I'm knee-deep in transitioning out of the military and it's a messy process.  I really could use some shit-kicking boots, because that's what I feel like I'm walking through every day.  But that's for another post.  This post is about my ability to meet new people and make sure those people know I'm looking for a job and that I'm flat out AMAZING! 

The only problem is I'm moving to a state I've only visited a handful of times.  (Hubby is from there and since he's followed me around for my military career, it's time to give him back the pants of the family and let him win this battle.)  Moral of the story is I don't know anyone there other than my family.  Cool about the family, not so cool about the I need a job and need to meet people that work in my field so I can get said job. 

So, the stress level is high, just thinking about how to meet people in Washington, when I'm in the other Washington (Read: thousands of miles apart).  But I do what I'm supposed to: I join linkedin. I tell all my friends. I go to career fairs and job fairs and county fairs.  Hell, I even tried to go to a networking breakfast this morning (event was cancelled.  Don't worry, I still had an awesome breakfast).  And with all of this, I still feel like I'm lost in the wind, I have no idea what I'm doing.  Not to mention, how the hell am I supposed to get a job like an adult when I don't know anyone???  AAAHHHH!!!

But then my very wise, almost-sister friend Abby pointed out that I'm a natural born networking girl (not to be confused with a working girl.  Although they are pretty damn good networkers!).  And then it dawned on me.  I've been networking for as long as I could say Mama.  She was my first network!  And what a great network contact she was!!!  She provided food, shelter, comfort, and Barbie dolls.  You can't ask for more from a contact, other than for a job of course. 

All my life I've been a social butterfly.  All I've ever done is talk.  In fact, my first network contact, aka Mom, hated going to my parent-teacher conferences because all she heard was "Betty's a great student, but she talks too much."  Maybe that's why I ended up in the communications field... I WAS BORN FOR IT! 

So this Betty is getting her network on, making new friends and new connections and is on the prowl.  And once I land the job of my dreams, I'll still be networking.  Because that's who I am, the networking girl.

Until later
~Betty