Sunday, Abby and her boyfriend Bif finished the Marine Corps Marathon. Talk about exciting! I mean, 26.2 miles is just NUTS! To willingly want to spend HOURS
Running... well... we all know how I feel about that. Abby and I have decided the next marathon she'll be participating in is a RHWOWhatever marathon. And I'll be joining her with the ice cream.
Needless to say, I'm very proud of her. It's truly amazing and it's one more thing she can cross off her bucket list. (Here's a tip: don't try to play the one-up game with her. She's been to war, been shot at, and now finished a marathon. She can kick your ass!)
I was also really impressed with how many people came out to run the marathon. People of all ages, shapes and sizes. I saw a kid who looked like he was 12 running. I think he was actually 14. Still, that's just nuts! I saw some very senior looking men running. They clearly were older than my grandparents. Unbelievable!
I saw countless amputees running and cycling. At mile marker 11, I was standing next to a family who was cheering on their dad. He was a double amputee. When he saw them in the crowd, he pulled over and dropped off his arm. (Yes, he actually dropped off his ARM.) Apparently it was bothering him.
And I saw at least 2 blind guys running with their seeing guides. To see a blind guy running a marathon is pretty amazing. If you aren't a runner and you already felt bad about the amputees kicking your non-athletic ass running, watch a blind guy pass you by. You'll hit non-runner rock bottom right there. (And then the 12 year old kid running will pass you by and kick you while you're down.)
I saw at least 3 penguins, a couple bananas, a woopie cushion, 3 guys in suits, 5 guys barefoot, tons in those stupid 5-finger shoes, one guy in moon shoes, plenty of tutus... on men and women (mostly on women though), a woman with booby tassles (the kind strippers at 'Gentlemen's Clubs' wear), a donut and Dunkin' Donut coffee couple, 3 hot shirtless guys, a couple bumblee bees and lady bugs, and TONS of running pumpkins.
I saw a lot of funny signs too! Abby's sign on the back of her camelbak said:
Needless to say, she's just as funny as I am, if not more. (Side note: She's 90% sure that Drew Carey commented on her sign during the run. She only got a glimpse of his profile, but she's pretty sure it was him. If a professional comedian thinks you're funny, then you're definitely pretty funny.)
Other signs of note Abby and I saw during the day: 'You're one step closer to beer!' 'Staying up all night to make this sign was hard too.' 'Hey perfect stranger, you're doing a great job.'
One thing that I did see a lot of was good and BAD race spectator behavior! Here's a tip, if you're going to cheer on at a race, then you'd better learn the dos and don'ts or be prepared for me to yell at you (like I did to the dad and his kids and the group of middle-aged women who kept standing in the street, clogging the path for the RUNNERS).
Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT stand in the road and block the path for runners! They've got 15.2 more miles to go and don't need to be tripped up by your dumb ass who can't get a good enough glance at the people running past you.
Also, don't run in front of them to get to the other side of the road. You wouldn't run in front of a speeding bus to get to the other side for a better look at it would you? Then why the hell would you run in front of a SWARM of stampeding people running at you? Unless of course you're practicing for Pamplona 2012.
Do cheer on the runners. But don't tell them they're almost there when they have more than 15 miles to go. Even as a non-runner I know that. Telling them that is like telling a fat kid that he can have an entire cake when you've really only got a mini-cupcake to give him. Such a letdown!
The best way to cheer them on is to call out their numbers or for the cool kids who put their names on their shirt (don't worry, this is normal runner behavior. It doesn't mean they should be riding the "special" bus.) you could yell RUN JIM RUN!!! (However, if you're one of those people with a crazy name because your parents didn't like you, maybe you should go with a nick name since morons like me can't figure out how to pronounce your name. Especially if you're speeding past me in a heard.)
I know the next time I cheer at a marathon (it won't be Abby's since she's vowed never to do it again. She's going with the 'one and done' policy. So we'll be cheering on Bif) I'm totally bringing a cowbell and a bullhorn... one with an airhorn in it. Because I want to be so loud that you can hear my cheering you on the entire running course. By the way, I'm available for all your cheering needs. Just let me know when you're next sporting event is and I'll be there... with bells and a bullhorn!
