Where's the freakin' instruction manual?

So I just got my weekly baby update about my growing 4 month, 2 week daughter.  And the hot topic in my house and in the email thread this week is FOOD. 

Some parents say stick with exclusive breastfeeding until 6 months.  Others say add in foods earlier.  Other moms say forget all of that and do whatever the hell you want.  While others say make your own food.  It's enough to make you freakin' nuts.  Oh wait, TOO LATE!

I decided while pregnant that I would breastfeed for as long as I could and my goal would be to get to the one year mark if I could.  I'd be happy if I could make it 6 months but I wanted to hit the year mark.  And then my mother-in-law started in on me when I told her my plan and that Stoofy and I were on our way to a breastfeeding class. (Insert Stoofy's groan here.)

Me: We're going to a class tomorrow.  I'm really looking forward to it!

MIL: I don't think you should even bother.  It hurts a lot and you won't like it, so I wouldn't even bother.  I didn't. 

Me: Well, I'm going to give it a try.  I knowingly made the decision to be a parent and I understand that for the rest of my life there will be some painful moments, literally and figuratively, but ultimately, it's in my child's best interest.  I think I'll be sticking it out with the breastfeeding if I can.

MIL: Well, good luck, but you won't like it and it's going to hurt.  Plus, then I can't feed the baby.

SERIOUSLY!?!?!  Who says that to someone, let alone a pregnant, hormonal Betty?!

Needless to say, we're 4 months, 2 weeks into it and haven't had a single problem!  Plus she's growing right off the height chart, so I'm obviously doing something right.

Well, that's up for discussion.  Back to the crazy parent forum.  I caved a couple weeks ago to add some rice cereal to her milk at night.  She was still waking up 3 times at night for feedings and she's not a long napper during the day (try 20 minute cat naps).  So I listened to my mom (and my entire office, my husband's coworkers and the moms on the online forum) and got some cereal and added it to her bottle.  I'm a terrible mother. 

Guess what?  It didn't do a damn thing but make her gassy and cranky at first.  Great.  Not the response I was looking for.  I was hoping I'd get what everyone kept saying... put cereal in her milk and she'll sleep like a baby.  HA!  Not my kid.  Thanks a lot everyone!  She just wanted more!  And I really am a terrible mother now!

I caved and after she got used to it, I started adding it into half of her bottles during the day.  Her last bottle of the evening has cereal and then I nurse her as she falls asleep.  It seems to be working for her.  But I'm a complete basket case!

I can't help but wonder if I'm the worst mother on the planet!  I have a million crazy worries that run through my head every day about being a good mom.  Did I start her on cereal too early?  Does it make her too gassy?  Should I cut back on it or just make sure she's had some gas drops?  Should I switch to barley or oat instead?  Is it messing up her poop schedule? Should I stop nursing her at night and only giving her bottles?  Am I coddling her because I'm nursing her to sleep?  Should I even rock her completely to sleep or should I just get her almost there and then place her in her bed so she can learn to soothe herself?  Is it selfish that I want to hold her as long as I can while she sleeps because I know these moments are precious, but if I do that, am I creating a monster by not making her get over it and learn to be on her own?

HOLY SHIT GET A GRIP WOMAN!!!!!!

I mean seriously!  I just can't help but wonder whether I'm doing things right.  I'm a follow the instructions kind of girl.  When building Legos, I never skip ahead to see what's coming.  I just follow step by step and agonize over each step to make sure I haven't missed anything. 

Where's the freakin' instruction manual for motherhood?  Seriously?  How am I supposed to know if I'm fucking up my kid beyond repair or not?  Yeah, I can listen to my mom, but the evidence that says she succeeded in raising a normal kid is over here typing through a panic attack because I'm so beside myself with worry.  So maybe that's not the best confirmation.  Yes, I'm still alive and in pretty damn good health.  I have few scars from childhood, so obviously she made sure I survived just fine.  Too bad she didn't write a book so I could read it and follow instructions. 

Since there's no instruction manual, I guess it's back to searching the internet and winging it with a prayer for me.  Now I just have to decide when I suck even more and start adding solid foods.  Wish me luck and pray for Elly! 

Until later
~Betty 

Monster, er I mean, mother-in-law

I've been married to my wonderful husband, Stoofy, for more than 4 years.  We've been together for nearly 6.  And in that time, I really haven't spent a ton of time with his family.  I know them well enough, and enjoy them when we all visit.  But they're not my family.  My family is entirely nuts. We've got such a huge level of dysfunction; we can't even return basic phone calls.  But I like it and it's normal to me.  His family is different. 

His family's dysfunction is different.  I don't know how to describe it.  I get along really well with his dad and his brother.  But with his mom and sister, it's a slightly different story.  We don't fight or argue or anything.  We just aren't all BFF's.

He and his mom have a very special bond from the first moments of his life.  He's her first born.  He's her only biological son.  He's a big f'in' deal in her world.  And he's moving back to his home town after our many years of military service. (Don't worry; baby and I are moving there too!)  Let the party begin!!!

But now that he's going to be nearby again, she feels the need to be in his life every second of every day.  In fact, she was upset when he didn't move back to their home (in his old, childhood room) and instead got his own place for us.  The horror!  Being persistent, she then decided that she would move in with him on weekends and keep him company.  His response- Uh, HELL NO! (Thank God!)

I was horrified and freaked out!  Here's this woman who doesn't have a clue that her 27 year old son, who has lived on his own for 8 years and deployed around the world, is a GROWN MAN!  Not to mention, he has his own wife and child to take care of.  How dare she want to weasel her way into my life and try to disturb my marriage?  If she thinks she's going to get to be a decision maker in my family, she's got another thing coming!  And here starts my immediate panic-attack about protecting my family and marriage and keeping intruders out.  I started plotting my plan of attack like it was a scene from the Italian Job. 

Now, I realize I don't have the worst MIL in the history of MILs.  (My mom's was, and still is, pretty damn wacky.  Yes, I'm talking about my crazy grandma.) And I just read a story about a Monster-in-law from hell who had the audacity to send a hate email to her future daughter-in-law that just happened to back fire when the daughter made sure it went viral.  So no, I don't have the worst one in the world.  But, it's still a little annoying.

And then I realized if I ever have a son, I'll be a psycho MIL.  I know I'm going to be the only woman in my future son's life that can do everything.  I just know this to my core.  And now starts the second panic attack of the day... my future son will eventually get married and leave me in the dust and I'll just have to find a way to weasel my way back in to his life and if that means I have to move in with him on weekends and take care of him, then that's what I'll do!  BREATH BETTY!

I should point out that my daughter is only 4 months old and Stoofy and I are nowhere near being pregnant again with another child, let alone the odds of it being a boy.  So who knows if I'll actually ever have a son?  But I'm already worked up in a full blown tizzy.  And now I'm a lot more empathetic about my crazy MIL.  That is until the next time she tries to weasel her way into my home again!!!

Until later
~Betty