Congratulations?

There are certain events in people's lives that you know just what to say when the moment arrives.  Congratulations to the new graduate, what a beautiful baby to the new parents, Mazel to the newly married couple, my condolences when someone passes.  But what exactly do you say to someone when they get a divorce?

It's really weird for me to tell people that I'm divorced.  Now that it's official, I haven't felt the need to make a giant facebook status about it.  I didn't run out and tell everyone I know (well, I did tell my mom and close friends, but ya know...).  There was no single ladies party. 

I'm not sad or embarrassed about it.  I'm not upset that I'm divorced.  I'm not even mad. 

I am content. 

And because of this feeling of contentment, I don't need to announce it to the world.  But when it comes up, I do tell people of my new status.  I think the biggest reason I haven't said anything publicly is because I don't know what to do with the reactions.  Because people just don't know what to say. 

I think the reason people don’t know what to say is because every divorce is different.  Some are terrible and messy and bitter.  Others are drawn out and exhausting (probably like the marriage was).  And some are like mine- neatly amicable.

We went to court, walked out, got a cup of coffee and then cheers’ed each other.  We then went our separate ways and it wasn't a big deal.  We work together pretty well for Elly's sake.  The biggest compliment I think we've had as a divorced couple so far is that Elly's daycare workers can't tell the difference of which parent she's with when she gets dropped off.  They don't know because she's the same no matter what.  I'm not sure if that's an example of our solid co-parenting skills or if we need to chalk it up to her blissful resilience.  Either way, she doesn't seem too phased by it.  And that's good. 

When people ask why we even get a divorce if we seem to be doing much better now, I say it's because we're not married that we get along.  It only works because we're not together. 

I'm happy now.  I feel like a weight is lifted.  I feel relieved. I can focus on my life and my goals and know that I can achieve whatever I want without compromise.  Stoofy isn't a bad guy.  He's not a bad father.  He's just not the guy for me and I'm not the girl for him.  We can't succeed together. 

So for me, when I tell you I'm divorced, a solid congratulations is enough.  I don't need the noisemakers or confetti thrown, because it's not that kind of congratulations.  But I don't need any sorrow or pity.  I'm happy and content.  I'm in a good place and I'm looking forward to the next chapter of my life.