It's just terrible

In one week Elly will be turning two.  I'm crying just writing that.  Why am I even crying? I mean it's not like she's leaving for college next week or anything.  It's not like she's going off to have her life adventures, meet her soul mate, get married or have kids.  She's just turning two.

But then she'll be 5 and going to kindergarten.  And then she'll be 10 and having her first playground boyfriend.  And then she'll be 13 and going through all the terrible things that happen to you when you become a teenager.  Not to mention she'll be turning 16 in a blink of an eye and will never be home since she'll be able to drive.  And then it'll really happen.  She'll turn 18 and go off to college or do whatever and she'll be gone forever.

Now I'm really sobbing.

And laughing.

Let's call it slaughing (because slobbing sounds gross).

Why do I always have a melt down when she has a birthday? (all two of them so far.) Will I always sob leading up to her birthday? And why am I even crying?

Maybe I'm crying because I know that she'll never be this small again.  Her toddler vocabulary will develop and she eventually will stop asking for "oh shit" when she wants lotion.  She's going to grow out of the phase of needing to curl up on my lap to fall asleep. 

I mean, it’s already begun. She won't hold my hand to walk anywhere. 

Or maybe I'm crying because the years ahead are only going to get harder. Just thinking about all the milestones yet to come is paralyzing.  I can't even bring myself to take Elly for her first hair cut! Instead, I've succumbed to the fact that I'm allowing my child to walk around looking like Cousin It.

My child, Cousin It

Or maybe the real reason I'm crying is because every time I tell Elly something I'm met with a resounding "NOOOOOOOO!"  And I mean EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

That must be why I'm crying... I've just hit the terrible twos/threes phase and all I'm going to be hearing for the next year (plus some from what I hear) is NO.  This is just terrible.