In Search of...

My perky ass.

I had it about six months ago and now it's gone. Talk about devastating.

If you're doing the math and realize I'm talking about my pregnant ass, your calculations are correct. When I hit about 4 months into my pregnancy, I began to notice one 'perk' of being pregnant. My ass was on it's way up.

Yup! You read that right. Pregnancy was making my ass defy gravity, mother nature and all that is right in the world.

I have no idea how it was even possible, but I really did have a great ass. So much so that my BFF even noticed!

A: Did you get those Reebok butt shoes you wanted?

B: No, why?

A: Well, your butt was looking extra perky and I thought the shoes were helping out.

B: Nope, but thanks for noticing my ass!!! It does look good, doesn't it? ;-)

Who knew that when my pelvis bones spread to prepare for a watermelon to pass through, it would help put a little extra lift in my step.

But now, six months later, it's gone. My hips have shrunk, my swelling is gone and long gone are the days of having a hot ass.

Now, there's got to be a way to get it back. I'm not saying I'm trying to get knocked up again. Hell no! (I need another baby like another hole in the head right now. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter, but now is not the time.)

I just want my perky ass back without any pain. And I think that's where the problem is.

To get it back, I'd need to do something crazy like run or Zumba. And let me just say, uh no, to both if I can help it.

My other option could be butt implants. But that's wrong on so many serious levels. Plus, if I'm going under the knife, I'm getting my thighs done!

The last option would to be pregnant again. But that seriously wasn't fun or painless. The whole process of my pelvic bones spreading was painful enough to know it's not fun. My friend once described it as a bunch of Keebler Elves chiseling away at your joints. Uh, yeah. No thanks for now.

So I guess it's run or live without my perky ass. Talk about the ultimate let down!





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