Betty the Ferberizer

So my daughter hates to sleep.  It's literally torture for her (and for me) to put her to sleep.  She hates to take naps too.  We're talking 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there.  If not sleeping was a competition on Survivor she'd out wit, out last, and out play everyone, even Richard Hatch!

I read an article awhile back about people who are considered "short sleepers." They basically just don't sleep and they're genetically wired to not sleep.  And the gene mutation can be realized at a young age... say in the toddler years.  (We've got about 12 months before we hit that range, but still...)

I also read an article today from one of my baby sites I follow that said babies in the range of 3-6 months should get at least 12-15 hours of sleep a day.  Uh yeah, about that... we're not even close!  In fact, we resist sleep so much (and I say we because when she's not sleeping, guess who else isn't sleeping? Yup, that's right, me.) that I have plenty of time for reading.  News articles, not books.  I don't have that much time.  Plus she tries to rip the pages out and eat them because they're crinkly.

So basically what we have here is a classic case of I've already voided the warranty of my kid.  Awesome, no returning her now.  She's spoiled goods.  Great!  Now I just have to figure out how to make the best of a sleepless situation. 

And that's called sleep training.  (Again, the news articles) Apparently there are plenty of different ways to sleep train your baby and they come with varying levels of difficulty.  Kind of like video games and trying to train a dragon.  The most common way, and the one my husband is a fan of, is the cry it out method. It's actually not called that, but that's how it's referred as by Ferber, the baby sleep expert apparently. (I should note that Stoofy is still across the country right now, so I'm all on my own with this sleep thing while he sleeps in on weekends.)  

So I'm supposed to just get her on a bed time routine. Check
Lay her in her bed as she's sleepy but not completely asleep.  Check
Let her try to fall asleep on her own. Check
Don't worry if she cries. Kinda check
Let her keep crying for 5 minutes.  Check
Come back in the room and soothe her but don't pick her up.  Check
Go back out of the room to let her cry some more. Sad check
Back in for another round of soothing.  Check
Back out for crying.  Teary check
How long is this supposed to last? Check
When can I finally pick her up? Check
I picked her up but she's still screaming! Check
Is she supposed to cry for an hour straight? Check
This is bullshit and I'm soothing her now! Check
Ferber, you're a fucktard and I'm now sobbing, she's been crying for more than an hour and it's taking her another 20 minutes to just calm down and relax enough to try and soothe her to finally doze off.

And if you think all that crying made her sleep through the night, you'd be dead wrong.  She woke up again like clockwork at 11, 1, and 5.  She doesn't get fed for all of those wake ups, and she doesn't get held every time either because honestly I need to give my arms a break.  But, she wakes up and starts screaming and crying every time. 

So not only do I have a gene mutated baby who's a short sleeper, but I also have a baby who is only 5 months and has night terrors.  Awesome, this is going to be awesome!  I hope I can mutate into a short sleeper too!

Until later
~Betty